Photo credit to: Jo Shanahan Photography

For so long I yearned for a child, children, to call our own. To be out of the ‘trying club’ and into the ‘baby club.’

And in time the quest consumed me – mind, body and soul. I literally hit pause on my life for a good while. I gave up on making plans, setting goals, my own development, the things that brought me joy… just in case I might be pregnant. Or just in case we’d have a baby by then. Or just in case we’d be going through another treatment cycle. These were some of my actual thoughts:

I won’t pay the registration to join the soccer team this season because I won’t be able to play when I fall pregnant.

I won’t apply for this new project because how will I do the work when I have a baby?

Well we can’t book a trip for October because I might be too pregnant to fly by then.

There was logic behind this way of thinking but it was not serving me well whatsoever. My entire life and happiness hinged on becoming pregnant. I had literally hit pause on myself, and it was one of the reasons my mental health declined so badly when trying to conceive the first time around.

What’s the worst thing that could have happened if I’d joined the soccer team, taken on the new project or booked the trip? I would have had to cancel or find someone else to step in for me. NO BIG DEAL, but I didn’t have that perspective at the time. I was wanting to be optimistic, but I was applying so much pressure, and sucking the enjoyment and fulfilment out of other areas of my life.

And in doing so I lost myself.

In hindsight I would have done differently. So I say to you:

Hold on to your passions.

Keep kicking goals.

Keep doing what brings you joy.

Don’t hit pause on yourself.

Keep making plans. The worst thing that can happen is that you’ll have to cancel them, or find an alternative solution.

Keep living life!

Much love to you! B x

The information provided in my blog is not from a registered nurse, or medical professional, nor from tertiary or professional qualifications surrounding infertility, pregnancy, motherhood or mental health. It is based on lived-experiences and learned awareness surrounding my own journey to and through motherhood. It is in no way intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Please contact a qualified medical professional for advice and treatment.